


Home

by Silvaimagery



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Anger, Angst, Drama, F/M, Feels, Happy Ending, M/M, PTSD, Reunion Fic, episode rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:32:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2383400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvaimagery/pseuds/Silvaimagery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was true, home is where the heart is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick fic. Just something I’ve been thinking about.

_Good-bye John. ___

__The black coat flapping behind him as he falls._ _

__Blood on the pavement._ _

__His lifeless eyes staring up at me._ _

__NO!_ _

__“SHERLOCK!”_ _

__I sit up, my heart in my throat._ _

__A sob escapes me._ _

__“John.” Mary says._ _

__She puts a hand on my arm and I move away._ _

__I clench my eyes closed._ _

__She wasn’t what I needed._ _

__There was only one person who could give me comfort._ _

__One person who could make everything right and he was dead._ _

__I get up._ _

__“John?”_ _

__I close the bathroom door behind me._ _

__I curl my hands on top of the vanity._ _

__I take deep breaths, hot tears burning down my cheeks._ _

__“Please. Please don’t be dead. Just stop it.” I whisper._ _

__I allow myself a few moments to grieve before forcing it back down._ _

__I wash my face._ _

__I look at myself in the mirror._ _

__I was a soldier._ _

__I’d faced war and death._ _

__I had to be strong._ _

__“You have to be strong.” I tell myself._ _

__I nod before walking out of the loo._ _

__“Sorry.” I say getting back into bed._ _

__I roll to my side, my back to her._ _

__“You alright?”_ _

__“Fine.”_ _

__I know she didn’t believe me._ _

__It was harder and harder to pretend I was alright._ _

__She worried about me._ _

__I was worried for me too._ _

__She had been a light in the darkness that overtook me after Sherlock…_ _

__But things weren’t getting better._ _

__And I knew that soon my therapist was going to suggest medication._ _

__I clench my eyes closed._ _

__I hear Mary fall asleep._ _

__I spend the rest of the night staring at the wall._ _

__*********************_ _

__Two years._ _

__Two years today._ _

__I stare down at my cup of tea._ _

__“You sure are taking your time.” I whisper to myself._ _

__I rest my left hand on the table top._ _

__My fingers start trembling._ _

__I clench my hand into a fist._ _

__Mary comes into the kitchen._ _

__I drink down the rest of my tea before standing._ _

__“You going into work today?” She asks._ _

__“No. I want to go see Harry.”_ _

__She stares at me a moment before speaking._ _

__“I have some errands to run.”_ _

__I nod._ _

__I place my dirty cup in the sink._ _

__“Are you going to be gone long?” She asks._ _

__“Not really.”_ _

__“Maybe we can do something tonight. What are you in the mood for?”_ _

__Nothing._ _

__“Italian?”_ _

__“Oh. Maybe we can go to Angelo’s.”_ _

__My stomach clenches painfully._ _

__“No. Not Italian. How about that new Chinese place around the corner?”_ _

__“Sound like a date.” She smiles._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__I kiss her forehead._ _

__“I’ll see you later.”_ _

__“Take care.” She calls after me._ _

__“You too.”_ _

__I grab my coat and walk out of the flat._ _

__I knew that Mary knew I was not telling her the whole truth._ _

__But if she really knew where I was going, she would insist on coming with me._ _

__I wasn’t ready for that._ _

__I grab a cab._ _

__“Where to sir?”_ _

__“The flower shop.”_ _

__I watch the roads pass by, remembering every day and night we spent running down the alley ways and straight into danger._ _

__I close my eyes._ _

__“Sir?”_ _

__I look at the cabby._ _

__He looks at me through the rearview mirror._ _

__“We’ve arrived.”_ _

__“Sorry. Can you wait? I’ll just be a few.”_ _

__“No problem.”_ _

__“Thanks.”_ _

__I get out and walk into the shop._ _

__I grab a dozen crimson roses._ _

__“Good choice sir. I’m sure your special someone will enjoy these.” The lady at the register tells me._ _

__No._ _

__He would have been confused as to why I was giving him flowers._ _

__Then he would have dismissed them and berated me for being a romantic._ _

__Then he probably would have gone on a long tirade about the evils of sentiment._ _

__I smile._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__I pay for the flowers and walk back to the cab._ _

__“Where to now mate?”_ _

__I look out the window._ _

__My eyes are immediately drawn up to the rooftop._ _

__“The cemetery.”_ _

__**********************_ _

__I walk down the gravel pathway._ _

__Every step is another stab to my heart._ _

__I keep my head down._ _

__I had avoided this place for the first six months after he’d been gone._ _

__The same way I had avoided our flat._ _

__But it was worse being away._ _

__Pretending both places didn’t exist._ _

__I stare at the black headstone before bending to place the fresh flowers on his grave._ _

__I caress his name._ _

__“Mary and I have been dating for almost a year now.”_ _

__I stare at the tree behind his grave._ _

__“She’s good for me. I think even you would like her. I know you’d resist it at first but you’d be drawn in by her charm and her wit eventually.”_ _

__I close my eyes._ _

__“We’ve been living together. I suppose it’s only proper that I make an honest woman of her.”_ _

__I can see him rolling his eyes in annoyance._ _

__I smile._ _

__“Mrs. Hudson will probably be upset that I’m moving on. She always thought you and I were shagging. If she knew you well enough she’d know that you’re above all that. Well, you always pretended you were but I saw the way you reacted to Irene Adler. Not that you ever did anything about it. At least, I don’t think you did.”_ _

__I look back down at the smooth black stone._ _

__“Your brother paid Mrs. Hudson handsomely to keep 221B the way we left it that day. I don’t know why. We haven’t talked since….not that we ever had much to say to each other. Never pegged him as sentimental though. But then I suppose we all have a weakness, even the British Government. Mary has been bugging me to take her there. But that is the place I shared with you and I don’t want her there. Is that wrong? It just doesn’t feel right bringing a stranger over when you aren’t there to send them running out of the place. The way you did with all my other girlfriends.”_ _

__Tears burn my eyes._ _

__“Sher….”_ _

__I put a hand over my mouth to keep the sobs in._ _

__“You owe me. So just stop pretending to be dead. It’s not fair. I let you get away with a lot of things but you are being an asshole. Friends don’t let friends think they’re dead. So just stop it you selfish prick.”_ _

__I try to stop the flood of tears._ _

__I wipe my eyes._ _

__“I told Mary I was going to go see Harry. And before you say it, yes she is still an alcoholic and yes she still pisses me off. But she is my sister. I’m sure you understand. You and Mycroft had tea parties whenever I wasn’t around and you always did enjoy annoying him.”_ _

__I stand back and stare at his grave._ _

__I blink back the tears that threaten to come back._ _

__“I miss you.”_ _

__*********************_ _

__“-the face of an old friend.”_ _

__I look up at the annoying waiter._ _

__Mary had wanted a nice evening out and this place had been highly recommended by her friends._ _

__Of course then the French waiter ruined it._ _

__“Could you just…?”_ _

__I stare at the face looking down at me._ _

__I stumble to my feet._ _

__“John?” Mary says._ _

__I look down at the table before looking back at the person standing before me._ _

__I had to be hallucinating._ _

__“John, what is it?”_ _

__My heart starts beating rapidly and hot tears burn my eyes._ _

__“Well.” That deep voice that haunts my nightmares says. “Short version, not dead.”_ _

__I stare at him._ _

__That face._ _

__Those eyes._ _

__“Bit mean springing it on you like that, I know. Could have given you a heart attack, probably still will. But in my defense it was very funny.” He smiles._ _

__Funny?_ _

__I glare at him._ _

__“Okay, it’s not a great defense.”_ _

__“Oh no.” Mary says._ _

__“Oh yes.” Sherlock tells her._ _

__“Oh my god.”_ _

__“Not quite.”_ _

__He stares at me._ _

__How could he….he thought this was a joke?_ _

__I press my lips together._ _

__“Okay John. I’m suddenly realizing I probably owe you some sort of an apology.”_ _

__I slam my fist against the table top._ _

__“An apology? You fucking….!”_ _

__“All right, John. Just keep-” Mary says._ _

__I tune out the rest of what she’s saying._ _

__My blood was roaring in my ears._ _

__I take a few deep breaths._ _

__“Two years.” I tell him. I swallow down the array of emotions flooding me. “Two years! I thought. Mmm…”_ _

__I can’t look at him._ _

__I shake my head to stop myself from crying._ _

__“I thought….you were dead. How could you do that?”_ _

__I force myself to look at him again._ _

__He looks guilty which is saying a lot for Sherlock fucking Holmes._ _

__“In my defense you’re not a good liar. Remember that time we broke into Lestrade’s office? You almost fainted.” He chuckles._ _

__That’s it._ _

__I grab him by the lapel of his posh suit and shove him backwards._ _

__His hands curl around my wrists._ _

__I push him onto the floor._ _

__I manage to punch him in the mouth before the waiters pull me off of him._ _

__“John!” Mary says._ _

__I shove the waiters off of me before storming out of the restaurant._ _

__********************_ _

__I stare at the dark ceiling before glancing at the clock._ _

__I sigh and rub my eyes._ _

__I look at Mary who is asleep beside me._ _

__I look back up at ceiling._ _

__I sigh angrily before getting out of bed._ _

__I dress in a hurry in the dark before grabbing my wallet, keys and mobile and leaving the flat._ _

__I manage to flag down a cab._ _

__“Where you off to this time of night?”_ _

__“221B Baker Street.”_ _

__“You got it.”_ _

__I sit back and anxiously drum my fingers against my knee._ _

__It seemed like it took an eternity to get there._ _

__I pay the cabby and walk up to the door._ _

__I unlock it and go in, making sure to close the door softly behind me._ _

__Didn’t want to wake Mrs. Hudson._ _

__I’m sure she also received the shock of her life._ _

__I hurry up the stairs and open the door to the sitting room._ _

__“John.” Sherlock says turning to look at me._ _

__I hurry towards him._ _

__He stands perfectly still._ _

__I throw my arms around him._ _

__“You bastard.”_ _

__I rest my forehead against his shoulder._ _

__He puts his arm around me._ _

__I try keeping my sobs in._ _

__“I missed you so much.”_ _

__“I really am sorry John.”_ _

__“I wanted you not to be dead.”_ _

__“Be careful what you wish for I suppose.”_ _

__I look at him._ _

__“I will get angry and I might still hit you but I am glad you are alive Sherlock. I couldn’t have gone on knowing you were truly dead.”_ _

__“Yes you would. You are strong John. You could survive anything.”_ _

__“I’m not as strong as you think.”_ _

__He stares down at me, his eyes reading me._ _

__“I wanted to tell you but Moriarty had to be dealt with. And I couldn’t risk your life any more than I already had.”_ _

__“Nobile of you.”_ _

__“You’re angry again.”_ _

__I take a few deep breaths._ _

__“I did warn you.”_ _

__“So you did. Tea?”_ _

__I shake my head._ _

__“Forcing me to make you tea isn’t going to help.”_ _

__“I can make it. I just have to boil the water.”_ _

__Oh god, why did I have to be so soft?_ _

__“I’ll make it. You’re rubbish at making tea.”_ _

__“I know. It’s why I have you.”_ _

__I look into his gray eyes._ _

__“Yes. Yes you do.”_ _

__He frowns down at me not understanding the meaning behind my words._ _

__I move into the kitchen to make us some tea._ _

__“Does Mary know you’re here?”_ _

__I move to the doorway so that I can look at him._ _

__He looks back at me._ _

__“Didn’t know the world’s only Consulting Detective asked questions he already knew the answers to.”_ _

__He sits in his chair._ _

__“Just making conversation.”_ _

__“Well don’t. You’re not very good at that either.”_ _

__He chuckles._ _

__The kettle boils and I hurry to turn it off._ _

__Once the tea is ready I carry both our mugs into the sitting room._ _

__I hand him his cup before taking my seat across from him._ _

__My chest fills with so much emotion that it takes me a moment before I can breathe properly._ _

__“Alright?” He asks sipping his tea._ _

__I nod._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“Hmm. Liar.”_ _

__I snort._ _

__“You’re one to talk.”_ _

__“Touché.”_ _

__I sip my tea._ _

__“I thought you’d be sleeping. It’s late.”_ _

__“You know my methods John.”_ _

__“Still. You must be tired.”_ _

__“I am. But I couldn’t sleep.”_ _

__“Why not?”_ _

__“Too much time spent on little sleep. My mind races and I start to think I’m back in a dingy room waiting for my target to make a move.”_ _

__“You’re home now.”_ _

__“Not the home I was expecting to come back to. It seems to be missing one very important element.”_ _

__I clear my throat._ _

__“You were gone for two years.”_ _

__“And?”_ _

__I clench my fists._ _

__“You can’t expect time to stand still until you decide to come back. It’s not the way the world works. Did you really think I wanted to live here without you? I tried and it was agonizing. I kept waiting for you to come waltzing in. I heard you play the violin while I was forcing myself to sleep. I just couldn’t live among your things knowing you were gone.”_ _

__“But now I am back. So now you can move back in.”_ _

__“You know that for a genius you can be really thick?”_ _

__“What is that supposed to mean?”_ _

__“You were gone for two years!”_ _

__“I know that John, I was the one who left in case you’ve forgotten.”_ _

__“How can I forget? I’m the one who thought you were dead. You made me watch you jump.”_ _

__My breath hitches in my throat._ _

__“I had to make it seem realistic.”_ _

__“Well congratulations! It was pretty goddamn realistic from where I was standing.”_ _

__“What do you want me to say John?”_ _

__“Anything! Tell me you’re sorry. Tell me you missed me! Just say something that will make the last two years disappear.”_ _

__“I did miss you.”_ _

__“Oh fuck off.”_ _

__“John.” He sighs._ _

__I look at him._ _

__“You know I am not good when it comes to emotions. My own or other people’s.”_ _

__“Except when you’re shamming.”_ _

__“You know me better than anyone else. Tell me, am I lying to you now?”_ _

__“Don’t know. There was a time when I thought I knew you.”_ _

__“If I hadn’t jumped then you would be dead right now. And we both know that I am not good when I’m alone.”_ _

__I snort._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“I knew you could handle it John. To be honest, I was being selfish.”_ _

__“No surprise.”_ _

__“You could survive without me. I could never go on without John Watson.”_ _

__Tears prickle my eyes._ _

__I blink them back._ _

__“I hope you’re happy.”_ _

__I frown at him._ _

__“You’ve made me boring.”_ _

__I chuckle._ _

__“Shut up.”_ _

__He chuckles._ _

__We sit in silence for a moment._ _

__He sighs._ _

__“You better get back. If Mary wakes up to find you gone, she will worry. And then she might come here.”_ _

__“Yeah. We can’t have you interacting with people just yet. It might make you ordinary.”_ _

__He shivers._ _

__I smile._ _

__I stand._ _

__He looks up at me._ _

__“I’ll see you later yeah?” I ask._ _

__“I’ll be here.”_ _

__I nod before turning and walking out._ _

__***********************_ _

__“You ready?”_ _

__“Actually. I think I’m going to stay a while.”_ _

__“You sure?”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“Okay. Well, it’s Janine’s birthday so I might be late.”_ _

__“Have fun.”_ _

__“I’ll see you later.”_ _

__She bends to kiss me._ _

__I watch her walk out._ _

__I stare at my computer before standing and grabbing my coat._ _

__I shut everything off before leaving my office._ _

__I catch a cab to the flat._ _

__I hurry up the stairs._ _

__“John.” Sherlock says._ _

__Mycroft turns to look at me._ _

__“Doctor Watson.”_ _

__I glare at him._ _

__“What do you want?”_ _

__“You’re still upset with me. I see.”_ _

__“Shut up.”_ _

__Mycroft looks surprised for a moment before looking at me with disapproval._ _

__Sherlock smiles._ _

__“I would have thought you to be in a better mood seeing as how my brother is alive.”_ _

__“You knew he was alive this whole time.”_ _

__“Of course.”_ _

__“You could have said something.”_ _

__“As I am sure that my brother has already explained, secrecy was of the utmost importance.”_ _

__“And the British Government is very good at secrecy.”_ _

__He gives me a thin smile._ _

__“Of course.”_ _

__“This is why you paid Mrs. Hudson.”_ _

__“I wanted to ensure that my brother’s residence would be available. And should your relationship fall by the wayside…well. At least you wouldn’t be out on the streets. Or god forbid, back in that horrible little bedsit you were in before my brother dragged you into his madness.”_ _

__He and Sherlock fake smile at each other._ _

__I roll my eyes._ _

__Damn the Holmes brothers and their ability to annoy me._ _

__Lanky bastards._ _

__“How generous of you.”_ _

__I move towards the kitchen._ _

__“Just tea for me Doctor Watson. Thank you.” Mycroft says._ _

__“Sod.” I mutter to myself._ _

__“Just tea for me too John.” Sherlock calls._ _

__And yet I chose this life._ _

__I shake my head at myself._ _

__I turn the kettle on._ _

__“There’s an underground terrorist network active in London and a massive attack is imminent.” Mycroft says._ _

__“And?”_ _

__“I need you to find whoever is behind it.”_ _

__“Why can’t you do it?”_ _

__“I’m terribly busy.”_ _

__“Eating.”_ _

__I can hear Mycroft sigh angrily._ _

__“No. There are other urgent matters that need my attention.”_ _

__Sherlock sighs._ _

__It is surprising how neither of them realizes that they sound the same when they do that._ _

__I turn off the kettle and prepare the tea._ _

__I take their cups out to the sitting room._ _

__“Thank you.” Mycroft says accepting his cup. “I need you to give this matter your full attention Sherlock, is that clear?”_ _

__I pull out a chair from the desk and sit._ _

__“Do we have any biscuits?” Sherlock asks me._ _

__“You said you only wanted tea.”_ _

__“Sherlock!” Mycroft says._ _

__Sherlock sips his tea._ _

__“How serious is this?” I ask._ _

__Mycroft looks at me._ _

__“What do you mean?”_ _

__“I mean, are you absolutely sure that there is going to be an attack? This wouldn’t be the first time that the Government receives information on a possible terrorist attack.”_ _

__“The terror alert has been raised to critical.” Mycroft says handing Sherlock the file._ _

__“Boring.” Sherlock says sipping his tea._ _

__Mycroft glares at his brother before looking at me again._ _

__“We have solid information, an attack is coming.”_ _

__“Solid information that a secret terrorist organization is planning an attack. That’s what secret terrorist organizations do isn’t it? It’s their version of golf.”_ _

__“An agent gave his life to tell us that.” Mycroft tells his brother._ _

__“Oh, perhaps he shouldn’t have done. He was obviously just trying to show off.”_ _

__“Sherlock.” I say._ _

__“What?” He asks._ _

__“I’ve given the Prime Minister my personal assurance you’re on the case.”_ _

__“He is.” I say._ _

__They both look at me._ _

__“Well, he will be. I’ll make sure of it.”_ _

__“You have my gratitude John.” Mycroft says with a nod._ _

__Sherlock looks back at his brother._ _

__“You look particularly well.”_ _

__“Yes. Thank you.”_ _

__“Still living alone in your glass house?”_ _

__Mycroft glances at me before looking back at his brother._ _

__“I don’t know what you mean.”_ _

__I look at the two of them and try to figure out what they’re going on about now._ _

__“I’ve been gone for two years.”_ _

__“So?” Mycroft shrugs._ _

__“Oh, I don’t know. I thought perhaps you might have found yourself a ‘goldfish’.”_ _

__Goldfish?_ _

__“Change the subject. Now.” Mycroft says standing._ _

__“Wait. Are you asking him if he has a significant other?” I ask._ _

__“Yes.” Sherlock tells me._ _

__I chuckle._ _

__Mycroft frowns at me._ _

__“Sorry. I just never imagined, not that I do imagine you with someone. Though you are very laid back. Except after your visits with Sherlock. But it does explain it.”_ _

__“This is one conversation that makes no sense, even to me.” Mycroft tells me._ _

__“Yes. He does tend to ramble.” Sherlock tells his brother._ _

__“It’s just that sex is very relaxing for some people, it releases tension. It can account for your neutrality.” I say._ _

__Both Sherlock and Mycroft look disturbed._ _

__“Unless you don’t have sex. I don’t mean to offend. You just seem like the Holmes who would have mistresses. Maybe because you work in politics.”_ _

__Sherlock chuckles._ _

__Mycroft rolls his eyes._ _

__“The status of my sex life is none of your concern Doctor Watson.”_ _

__“Right. Yeah.”_ _

__Not that I wanted to know the status of his sex life._ _

__“Rest assured Mycroft, whatever this underground network of yours is up to, the secret will reside in something seemingly insignificant or bizarre.”_ _

__“Ohh-hoo.” Mrs. Hudson says coming up._ _

__“Speaking of which.” Mycroft says._ _

__Sherlock laughs quietly._ _

__Mrs. Hudson comes to my side and hugs me._ _

__I smile up at her._ _

__“I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it. Him sitting in his chair again!” Mrs. Hudson smiles happily at Sherlock._ _

__Sherlock smiles back at her._ _

__“Oh, isn’t it wonderful Mr. Holmes?”_ _

__“I can barely contain myself.” Mycroft’s voice drips with sarcasm._ _

__“Oh he really can you know.” Sherlock tells her._ _

__Mrs. Hudson pats my shoulder before letting me go._ _

__“He’s secretly pleased to see you underneath all that.” Mrs. Hudson says walking to the doorway._ _

__“Sorry, which of us?” Mycroft asks her._ _

__“Both of you.” She shouts back._ _

__Mycroft and Sherlock look at each other._ _

__“I hope you can understand the severity of the situation.” Mycroft tells his brother._ _

__“We will find your underground terror cell, Mycroft.”_ _

__It warmed me inside to hear him say ‘we’._ _

__“Let’s play deductions.” Sherlock says standing._ _

__I sit back._ _

__This was going to be fun._ _

__“Why would we play a game?” Mycroft scoffs._ _

__As if he didn’t enjoy it too._ _

__“London’s alert has been raised to critical, we’re just passing the time.”_ _

__Sherlock grabs a hat with bobbles from the desk top._ _

__“Client left this while I was out, what do you reckon?” He throws it at Mycroft._ _

__Mycroft catches it._ _

__“I’m busy.”_ _

__“Oh go on, it’s been an age.”_ _

__Mycroft sniffs the hat._ _

__Gross._ _

__“I always win.”_ _

__“Which is why you can’t resist.”_ _

__“I find nothing irresistible in the hat of a well-travelled, anxious, sentimental, unfit creature of habit with appalling halitosis. Damn.” He sighs._ _

__I chuckle._ _

__He got sucked right into the game._ _

__They both do like to show off their intellectual prowess._ _

__Mycroft throws the hat back to Sherlock._ _

__“Isolated too don’t you think?” Sherlock asks._ _

__“Why would he be isolated?”_ _

__“He?” I ask._ _

__“Obviously.” Mycroft tells me._ _

__“Why? Size of the hat?” Sherlock asks his brother._ _

__“Don’t be silly. Some women have large heads too. No, he’s recently had his hair cut. You can see the little hairs adhering to the perspiration stains on the inside.”_ _

__Sherlock looks at a loss for a comeback._ _

__“Some women have short hair too.” I tell Mycroft._ _

__“Balance of probability.” The smug bastard says._ _

__“Not that you’ve ever spoken to a woman with short hair, or, you know, a woman.” Sherlock tells his brother._ _

__I smile._ _

__“Stain shows he’s out of condition.” Mycroft says ignoring his brother’s jab. “And he’s sentimental because the hat has been repaired three-”_ _

__“Five times. Very neatly.” Sherlock says throwing the hat back at his brother. “The cost of the repairs exceeds the cost of the hat, so he’s mawkishly attached to it. But it’s more than that. One, perhaps two patches would indicate sentimentality but five? Five’s obsessive behavior. Obsessive-compulsive.”_ _

__I was starting to feel bad for the bloke who owned the hideous hat._ _

__“Hardly. Your client left it behind.” Mycroft says smiling smugly. “What sort of an obsessive-compulsive would do that?” He throws the hat back. “The earlier patches are extensively sun bleached, so he’s worn it abroad, in Peru.”_ _

__“Peru?” Sherlock frowns._ _

__“This is a Chullo. The classic headgear of Andes, it’s made of Alpaca.”_ _

__Mycroft walks closer so that he can stand face to face with Sherlock._ _

__He probably thinks he’s won._ _

__I shake my head._ _

__“No.” Sherlock says. “Icelandic sheep wool.”_ _

__“No?” Mycroft says as if the word was foreign to him._ _

__Probably was._ _

__Can’t imagine a lot of people saying ‘no’ to him._ _

__“Similar but very distinctive if you know what you’re looking for.” Sherlock says smugly. “I’ve written a blog on the varying tensile strengths of different natural fibers.”_ _

__“Sure that was necessary.” I mutter sipping my tea._ _

__Sherlock glances at me before looking back at his brother._ _

__“You said he was anxious.”_ _

__“The bobble on the left side has been badly chewed, which shows he’s a man of nervous disposition but-”_ _

__“But also a creature of habit because he hasn’t chewed the bobble on the right.” Sherlock interrupts._ _

__Mycroft purses his lips._ _

__“Precisely.”_ _

__Sherlock sniffs the chewed bobble and grimaces._ _

__“A brief sniff of the offending bobble tells us everything we need to know about the state of his breath.”_ _

__“Oh god Sherlock. Don’t do that.” I tell him._ _

__“Brilliant.” Sherlock scoffs at his brother._ _

__“Elementary.”_ _

__“But you missed his isolation.” Sherlock says turning away._ _

__“I don’t see it.” Mycroft admits._ _

__That must have pained him to admit._ _

__“Plain as day.”_ _

__“Where?”_ _

__“There for all to see.” Sherlock taunts._ _

__“Tell me.”_ _

__“Plain as the nose.”_ _

__“Tell me!” Mycroft demands._ _

__“Well anybody who wears a hat as stupid as this isn’t in the habit of hanging around other people is he?”_ _

__“Probably. Or he probably just doesn’t care what people think.” I say._ _

__Like someone else I know._ _

__“Exactly. He doesn’t necessarily have to be isolated.” Mycroft says agreeing with me._ _

__“Exactly.” Sherlock says._ _

__What?_ _

__“I’m sorry?” Mycroft says equally confused._ _

__Okay, now I was becoming alarmed._ _

__It wasn’t every day Mycroft and I were on the same page._ _

__“He’s different, so what? Why would he mind? You’re quite right. Why would anyone mind?” Sherlock asks putting on the ridiculous hat._ _

__I snort a laugh._ _

__Sherlock narrows his eyes at his brother._ _

__“I’m not lonely Sherlock.” Mycroft says laughing._ _

__“How would you know?” Sherlock asks._ _

__The smile vanishes from Mycroft’s face._ _

__Sherlock walks way, clearly the winner of the game._ _

__“Yes. Back to work, if you don’t mind. Good morning.” Mycroft says walking out of the flat._ _

__“Wow.”_ _

__Sherlock winks at me._ _

__“Right. To work.”_ _

__“What do you need me to do?”_ _

__“What you’ve always done.” He says smiling at me._ _

__“Right.”_ _

__Tea and legwork._ _

__************************_ _

__“Hello?” I say answering my mobile._ _

__“John.”_ _

__“Mary.”_ _

__“Where are you? It’s late.”_ _

__“I’m….working.”_ _

__“You need to rest.”_ _

__“I know. And I will once I’m done here.”_ _

__“Alright.” She sighs._ _

__“John!”_ _

__“Who…are you with Sherlock?”_ _

__“I can’t find the pattern!” Sherlock says stomping into the flat. “It’s too nebulous.”_ _

__He throws his coat on his chair before grabbing a file off the desk._ _

__He jumps on the couch and starts taping photographs on the wall._ _

__“Yeah. I have to go.”_ _

__“John.”_ _

__“Sorry. Might not be back tonight.”_ _

__“Don’t get involved with anything dangerous. I mean it.”_ _

__“I can’t make any promises.”_ _

__“John.”_ _

__“Sorry. I really have to go. I’ll call you later.”_ _

__I hang up._ _

__“Mary?”_ _

__I look at Sherlock._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__He nods._ _

__“Is she trying to save you from me?”_ _

__I smile._ _

__“Something like that.”_ _

__I watch him cross out some of the people in the photographs._ _

__“What are you doing?”_ _

__He steps off the couch and over the coffee table._ _

__He turns to look at the collage he made._ _

__“Why would an agent give his life to tell us something insignificant?”_ _

__“I ordered Chinese.”_ _

__“None for me thanks.”_ _

__“When was the last time you ate?”_ _

__He shrugs._ _

__“Right.”_ _

__I stand and start portioning out the food._ _

__“Come on.”_ _

__He sits._ _

__I start eating and he follows._ _

__“That’s so strange.” He shakes his head._ _

__“That he gave his life?”_ _

__“All we know is that there’s an underground network planning an attack on London.”_ _

__“It’s a start. What are you doing with the photographs?”_ _

__“These are my rats John.” He says pointing his fork at the wall._ _

__“Really?”_ _

__“My markers, agents, low-lifes. People who might find themselves arrested or their diplomatic immunity suddenly rescinded.”_ _

__“So if one of them starts acting suspiciously, then we know something is up?”_ _

__“Exactly. Five of them are behaving perfectly normal but the sixth.”_ _

__“I know him don’t I?”_ _

__“Lord Moran, Peer of the Realm. Minister of the Overseas Development. Pillar of the Establishment.”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“He’s been working for North Korea since 1996.”_ _

__“So?”_ _

__“He’s the biggest rat. Rat number one.”_ _

__“Huh.”_ _

__“And he’s just done something very suspicious indeed.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__He stands and retrieves his coat._ _

__He takes out a DVD from his coat pocket._ _

__“You remember the bobble hat?”_ _

__“The one you bested your brother with?”_ _

__He smiles._ _

__“Yes. I returned it to the person who left it. He works for the Tube station and he found something I might be interested in.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__He puts the DVD into his laptop and turns it so that I can view the footage._ _

__I watch Lord Moran board the Tube._ _

__“Now watch.”_ _

__I watch as the Tube arrives to its destination._ _

__“It’s empty.” I frown. “That’s very odd. There’s nowhere he could have gotten off?”_ _

__“Not according to the maps.”_ _

__“Hmm.”_ _

__“There’s something I’m missing. Something staring me in the face. Think!”_ _

__“Any idea who they are, this underground network?”_ _

__His phone chimes._ _

__“Intelligence must have a list of the most obvious ones.” I mutter to myself._ _

__“Our rat’s just come out of his den.”_ _

__He shows me the photographs of Moran that have just been sent to him._ _

__“Homeless network?”_ _

__“Yep.”_ _

__I sigh and rewind the footage again._ _

__“Yes! I’ve been an idiot! A blind idiot.” He says suddenly._ _

__I look at him._ _

__“What?” I ask._ _

__“Oh that’s good. That could be brilliant.”_ _

__“Sherlock, what?”_ _

__“Mycroft’s intelligence is not nebulous at all, it’s incredibly specific.”_ _

__“What do you mean?”_ _

__“It’s not an underground network John, it’s an Underground network!”_ _

__“You mean-”_ _

__“Sometimes a deception is so audacious, so outrageous that you can’t see it even when it’s staring you right in the face.”_ _

__He rewinds the footage._ _

__“Look, seven carriages leave Westminster. And only six carriages arrive at St. James’s Park.”_ _

__“So Moran didn’t disappear. The entire Tube compartment did.”_ _

__“Exactly John. The driver must have diverted the train and then detached the last carriage.”_ _

__“Detached it where?”_ _

__“Once you eliminate everything else, whatever remains must be the truth. That carriage vanished so it must be somewhere.”_ _

__“But why would they detach it in the first place?”_ _

__“It vanishes between St. James’s Park and Westminster. Lord Moran vanishes.” He stops pacing. “What the date John, today’s date?”_ _

__“November…oh my god.”_ _

__“Moran would normally sit in the House. Tonight there’s an all-night sitting to vote on the new anti-terrorism bill. But he won’t be there, not tonight. Not on the 5th of November.”_ _

__*********************_ _

__I follow Sherlock down into the Tube station._ _

__“So it’s a bomb then? The Tube carriage is carrying a bomb?”_ _

__“Must be.”_ _

__“Right.”_ _

__I take my mobile out of my pocket._ _

__“What are you doing?”_ _

__I look at him._ _

__“Are you serious? I’m calling the police.”_ _

__“What? No!”_ _

__“Sherlock, this isn’t a game. They need to evacuate Parliament.”_ _

__“They’ll get in the way, they always do. This is cleaner, more efficient.”_ _

__He takes out a crowbar from his coat._ _

__“And illegal?”_ _

__“A bit.”_ _

__He pries open the metal door._ _

__I follow him down the dark path._ _

__At least I knew now why he insisted I bring a flashlight._ _

__I check my phone._ _

__No service._ _

__Great._ _

__“What are you doing?” He calls back._ _

__“Coming.”_ _

__We go down further and further._ _

__“You will remember how to get us back out of here right?”_ _

__He rolls his eyes._ _

__“All I need is a yes or no answer.”_ _

__“Come on, hurry.”_ _

__I sigh._ _

__It was futile to resist following him into danger now._ _

__We arrive to the train tracks._ _

__Sherlock shines his light left and then right._ _

__“I don’t understand.” He says._ _

__“Well there’s a first.”_ _

__“There’s nowhere else it could be.”_ _

__He goes into his mind palace._ _

__I wait for him to come back._ _

__It only takes him a minute._ _

__“Oh!”_ _

__He runs to the right._ _

__“What?” I ask running after him._ _

__He jumps onto the tracks._ _

__“Hang on.” I tell him._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Isn’t it live?”_ _

__“Perfectly safe as long as we avoid touching the rails. Come along John.”_ _

__“Of course, yeah. Avoid the rails.”_ _

__“This way.”_ _

__I jump onto the tracks._ _

__“Are you sure?”_ _

__“Sure.”_ _

__We follow the tracks and we come up to the missing car._ _

__“Look at that.”_ _

__“John.”_ _

__“Hmm?”_ _

__Sherlock points his light up the shaft where little red lights flicker._ _

__“Demolition charges.” I tell him._ _

__There really was a bomb._ _

__I take a deep breath._ _

__I peer under the car but there nothing out of the ordinary as far as I can see._ _

__We go inside._ _

__“This is by far the stupidest thing I have ever done.” I whisper._ _

__“I concur.”_ _

__My heart was hammering in my chest._ _

__“It’s empty.” I tell him. “There’s nothing.”_ _

__“Isn’t there?”_ _

__He lift the cushion off the seat and I move closer to him._ _

__He looks at me._ _

__“This is the bomb.” He says. “It’s not carrying explosives, the whole compartment is the bomb.”_ _

__He start removing seat cushions._ _

__I help._ _

__Sherlock bends to remove a panel from the floor._ _

__“Oh.” I whisper as the main device is uncovered._ _

__I look at Sherlock._ _

__“We need bomb disposal.”_ _

__“There may not be time for that now.”_ _

__“So what do we do?”_ _

__“I have no idea.”_ _

__“Well think of something.”_ _

__“Why do you think I know what to do?”_ _

__“Because you’re Sherlock Holmes, you’re as clever as it gets.”_ _

__“It doesn’t mean I know how to diffuse a giant bomb. What about you?”_ _

__“I wasn’t in bomb disposal, I’m a bloody doctor!”_ _

__“And a soldier, as you keep reminding us all!” He snaps._ _

__“Can’t…can’t we rip the timer off or something?”_ _

__“That would set it off.”_ _

__“You see? You know things!”_ _

__He sighs and turns away._ _

__The lights turn off._ _

__“The bloody light are on!”_ _

__“Yes John, I can see that.”_ _

__“And the timer is counting down. Fuck!”_ _

__“Uh.”_ _

__“Oh my god!”_ _

__Sherlock wanders away before coming back._ _

__“Why didn’t you call the police?”_ _

__“Can you just-”_ _

__“Why do you never call the police?!”_ _

__“Well, it’s no use now.”_ _

__Okay._ _

__Time to get my shit together._ _

__I was trained to face war and death goddamn it._ _

__I take a few deep breaths and get my pulse under control._ _

__“So we can’t switch the bomb off. What do we do now?”_ _

__“Go John. Go now!”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“John.”_ _

__“NO! I am not leaving you here to die….I am not going without you. We either go together or we both stay.”_ _

__I stare at the numbers._ _

__“Mind palace!” I say pointing at him._ _

__“Hmm?”_ _

__“Use your mind palace.”_ _

__“How will that help?”_ _

__“You’ve put away countless of things in there.”_ _

__“Oh, what? And you think I’ve just got ‘how to diffuse a bomb’ in there somewhere?”_ _

__“Yes!”_ _

__He thinks about it._ _

__“Maybe.”_ _

__He goes into his mind palace._ _

__“Think!”_ _

__“I can’t!” He shouts._ _

__We stare at each other._ _

__“This is it, isn’t it?”_ _

__“John.” He says, regret evident in his eyes._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“I really am sorry. Not just for this but for the pain I have caused you. I am sorry you won’t be able to spend the rest of your life with Mary.”_ _

__“Shut up.”_ _

__“I mean it. You were right, I do ruin everything.”_ _

__“I was angry with you at the time when I said that. I really don’t mean it.”_ _

__“You should. It’s true.”_ _

__I can feel tears sting my eyes._ _

__“I am not good with expressing how I feel when it comes to you.” I whisper._ _

__I was so choked up I just couldn’t speak any louder._ _

__“I know.” He says with a small smile._ _

__“You are the best and greatest man I have ever known. You are my best friend.”_ _

__He looks surprised._ _

__“You are smart and amazing.”_ _

__I wipe my eyes._ _

__“John.”_ _

__“I love you. And I hate that I’m saying this right where we’re about to blow up but I always knew I wanted to live and die beside you. Those two years you were gone….I don’t know how you could ever think that I could possibly live without you. You gave me a reason to live and without you there was nothing. Mary, she helped me. But she can’t ever replace you. She isn’t you.”_ _

__He gapes at me._ _

__I move to hug him._ _

__After a moment he returns the hug, his coat surrounding me and filling me with his warmth._ _

__I look up at him._ _

__“John. I have always been able to detach myself from feelings.”_ _

__“Except when you thought you saw a giant dog.”_ _

__“I am trying to do sentiment here.”_ _

__“Sorry.”_ _

__“As I was saying, I have always been able to detach myself from feeling. But you have broken through every defense. I would have been content to live the rest of my life alone, I was prepared to. Until you walked into that lab after Mike Stanford. You are the bravest and most remarkable man I have ever known. I am lucky to have you as a friend. All I wanted was to come home to you.”_ _

__I reach up and pull his head down._ _

__I kiss his surprised mouth._ _

__He presses his lips against mine hesitantly._ _

__“I don’t know why you love me John, but I am glad you do.”_ _

__I smile._ _

__“I….I love you John Watson.”_ _

__I close my eyes._ _

__I hug him tighter._ _

__“Wait.”_ _

__He pushes me aside and removes his scarf._ _

__He shoves it at my chest before kneeling down in front of the bomb._ _

__“What?”_ _

__He reaches down to feel the sides of the device._ _

__He looks up at me and smiles._ _

__I look at the numbers._ _

__They have stopped counting down._ _

__I look at Sherlock._ _

__“How did you….?”_ _

__“I figured it had to have an off switch.”_ _

__I laugh._ _

__“Oh my god! You are brilliant.”_ _

__He stands._ _

__“You are my conductor of light. I couldn’t have done it without you.”_ _

__“Yes you could have.”_ _

__“Maybe. But I would have been hesitant without you here to give me a reason.”_ _

__I throw my arms around him._ _

__“Don’t ever leave me again.”_ _

__“I won’t.”_ _

__“Good. Because I will kick your ass if you do.”_ _

__He chuckles._ _

__I smile._ _

__**********************_ _

__We get to the flat just in time to watch the sun rise._ _

__Sherlock informs Mycroft on who his culprit is behind the bombing._ _

__I sit in my chair and close my eyes._ _

__I was so tired, physically and emotionally._ _

__“That’s taken care of.”_ _

__I open my eyes._ _

__Sherlock stares down at me._ _

__“Come to bed.” He says after a moment._ _

__I swallow._ _

__“Right.”_ _

__He extends a hand towards me and I let him help me out of my chair._ _

__He leads me to his room._ _

__He starts to remove his suit._ _

__I sit on the bed and remove my shoes before standing to remove my jeans and my shirt._ _

__Sherlock changes into his pajamas._ _

__I slide under the covers in my pants and t-shirt._ _

__He comes around the left side and gets in._ _

__I turn onto my side to face him._ _

__He puts an arm around my waist._ _

__I touch his chest._ _

__He stares at me._ _

__I close my eyes and listen to his even breaths._ _

__**********************_ _

__“John? John!”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__I open my eyes._ _

__Sherlock rolls onto his back._ _

__I rub my eyes._ _

__“John!”_ _

__I get out of bed and walk out of Sherlock’s room._ _

__I walk into sitting room._ _

__“Mary?”_ _

__She looks at me._ _

__“Oh thank god.”_ _

__She comes over to me and hugs me._ _

__“What’s the matter?”_ _

__“I haven’t heard from you and there was a story on the news about a bomb in the Tube station and I knew that’s where you’d be. You weren’t answering your phone so I came here hoping to find you.”_ _

__“I’m fine. Here, have a seat.”_ _

__I lead her to the couch._ _

__She sits and I sit in front of her on the coffee table._ _

__“I was so worried.”_ _

__“Yeah. Sorry.”_ _

__She looks at me._ _

__“I’m sorry John.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“I know you said that this is what you and Sherlock used to do. I’ve read about it in your blog. I just always thought this part of your life was over. You’re a doctor and you have your own practice. There is no need for you to do this anymore. And I just don’t think I can live in fear all the time waiting to see if you come home.”_ _

__Home._ _

__“I’m sure Sherlock will understand right? He can’t expect you to just drop everything and go back to being his sidekick.”_ _

__“Sidekick.”_ _

__“John. I love you and I want you to be happy but this is something I can’t compromise on. I don’t want you putting yourself in danger.”_ _

__Wow._ _

__“Mary.” I shake my head. “Jesus. I’ve been on the receiving end of this conversation so many times that I always thought it was easy. But it’s very hard to put the right words together.”_ _

__“You’re not making much sense love.”_ _

__“Meeting you was the best thing to have happened to me a year ago.”_ _

__“I agree.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“I am the best thing to have happened to you.” She smiles._ _

__“Uhh, no. Sorry. I have to disagree actually.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“The majority of my life has not made sense. Not until I met the most amazing person on this earth. Mary.”_ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“I’m in love-”_ _

__“I’m in love with you too.”_ _

__“-with Sherlock.”_ _

__We stare at each other._ _

__“Sorry. What?” She asks._ _

__“I’m in love with Sherlock.”_ _

__“Sherlock? The man who made you think he was dead?”_ _

__“He explained why he did it.”_ _

__“And I bet it made up for all the shit he put you through.”_ _

__“Mary.”_ _

__“I can’t believe…you said you weren’t gay!”_ _

__“I’m not.”_ _

__“Wanting to shag another bloke makes you gay John.”_ _

__“I know this must be difficult for you to take in. I understand.”_ _

__“Do you? I thought you loved me! I thought you were going to marry me.”_ _

__“I’m sorry.”_ _

__She stands._ _

__“Just…don’t ever call me again John. I mean it. I’ll be gone for the next few days, you can move your stuff out then. Make sure to leave the key on the table.”_ _

__“Mary.”_ _

__She walks out of the flat._ _

__“That was the most excruciating thing I’ve ever had to watch. And I’ve witness a lot of things.”_ _

__I look at Sherlock who is standing just inside the sitting room._ _

__“Shut up.”_ _

__The door slams downstairs._ _

__Another one gone._ _

__And this time it was my fault._ _

__I was still going to blame Sherlock for this one too._ _

__“I almost jumped in just to put you both out of your misery. You really are rubbish at expressing your emotions.”_ _

__“Stop.”_ _

__“And people say I’m bad at feelings.”_ _

__“You are.”_ _

__“Not like you. That’s….I’m at a loss for words.”_ _

__“Wanker.”_ _

__“Mmm, not yet.”_ _

__I look at him._ _

__He smirks._ _

__“I just broke up with my girlfriend.”_ _

__“You can’t tell me you’re broken up over it.”_ _

__“Well, no.”_ _

__“So?”_ _

__“I think there’s some kind of rule on how long I have to wait to have sex after a break up.”_ _

__“Rules are meant to be broken.” He says walking closer._ _

__“Might take a lot to get me in the mood.”_ _

__“Really?” He kisses below my ear._ _

__I close my eyes._ _

__“Yep.”_ _

__“The internet might have some suggestions.”_ _

__I pull back so that I can look at him._ _

__“You are not looking at gay porn on your computer.”_ _

__“You know I like to be prepared before going into battle.”_ _

__“It’s called sex and it’s instinctual.”_ _

__“Not for me it isn’t.”_ _

__“It will be after I’m done with you.”_ _

__“You think so?”_ _

__I suck on his Adam’s apple._ _

__“I know so.”_ _

__“Well. If you’re sure.”_ _

__I pull him towards his room._ _

__“Couldn’t hurt to consult the internet anyways.”_ _

__“We are not watching gay porn!”_ _

__“But it’s for science. John!”_ _

__

__The End._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you have enjoyed this short trip.


End file.
